Introduction to Counselling course – listening fail

I needed to do a basic counselling training course to continue teaching my art journalling for self- care. So I signed up for a 12 week course at Edinburgh college. I am enjoying the course very much. We are learning some theory alongside listening skills.

Part of my dyslexia presents its self as an listening/ ear / brain processing problem. So I have been a little bit apprehensive to see if I can succeed in this area.

Last week we worked in triads – we had a speaker/ listener and an observer. You took it in turns to take a role. The listener had to be in charge of the clock. The speaker talked for 5 mind about a topic. The listener had to stop and give a summary half way through and then summarise at the end.

When it came to my turn as listener I found it very hard to keep an eye on the time and listen, I fact I went completely blank at the half time summary. Then at the end I found that even though I couldn’t repeat a word of what had just been said to me – I did have a general impression of what had been said, it was more like an over view.

Being uncomfortable with public speaking didn’t help either!! My stomach was not happy and twisted itself – I felt humiliated and a failure. Interesting when we returned to the group disscussionlots of other people had had simillar problems. Rationally I could see that this was something to be improved upon. I struggled with my physical reaction and how much I was unable let the emotional response go – something similar has happened too many times before.

Journalling was required

It says ‘when I am fragile and humiliated, I have my Mandala webs and the beginnings of my soul restoration process to support me.

I am not sure how the habitual’ lies’ that I tell my self – I am not good enough , I always make mistakes , ‘how could you not remember what was said to you!?’, ‘Failure’ will be released by this process they feel too ingrained.

I am ready to do the work ……

Advertisements

I am too sensitive- HSP

This brave girl / Soul Restoration stuff is exhausting- thinking about the lies I tell my self – ‘you are too sensitive’ is a good one.

I went to stay with my sister at the weekend. We had a lovely time shopping and talking and drinking lots of coffee – well she was drinking coffee I don’t do caffeine .

We were walking around Southampton, when we heard a busker with a soulful voice that knocked us both for six. I had goosebumps and an emotional overreaction . My stomach knotted up and I was afraid that I was going to have a tummy migraine. My sister said he left her feeling jittery.

I decided to do some reading and thinking about my reactions. I had great fun making up this journal page

Where I used an anatomy picture and collaged it with a Chinese medicine illustration and a chart.

http://www.positivehealth.com/article/chi-energy-martial-arts/chi-nei-tsang

http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/05/10/your-mind-body-are-not-separate-this-chart-explains-it-all/

I also thought about the music experience and produced an image for my Brave Girl art journal

Today I have been reading all about HSP – (highly sensitive people not the blood vessel decease). I grew up thinking I was too sensitive. I didn’t ‘get’ being teased, my skin wasn’t thick enough, I over reacted to everything and cried a lot. Oh, and sudden noises, bright lights and strong smells drive me mad.

Who knew I am just an HSP – the term was first written about by Elaine N.Aron PH.D. in the 1990’s. It is not that uncommon, about 1 in 5 people are HSP. ( see link below for more) It’s tiring shining a light on all these aspects of self and reading lots in my iPhone. However I did find a great quote

‘Many of the personal, inner aspects of creative talent can challenge us in ways that demand facing fears and limitations and moving beyond our comfort zones. And many forms of creative expression may require at times a high degree of courage’. ( Douglas Eby)

I have to learn to accept my emotions for what they are and let them be. If I can also learn to let go of anxiety and relax along the way ,I will find a calmer version of my self to live with – which would be very nice indeed

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2013/04/to-be-more-creative-deal-with-anxiety/

http://m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794

Sometimes it feels like I am in a dyslexic fugue-shining a light – ‘Soul Restoration’

I am ‘doing’ Soul Restoration with the ‘Brave Girls University’ . my best arty friend Debbie Howard is tutoring me electronically and I have signed up for Melody Ross’ video tutorials and bought the work book….

I am shining a light on my truths, today looking at my dyslexia which is driving me mad this week. I have trouble with dates and calendars – I try so hard to compensate but sometimes I have a melt down – 4 double bookings over the next few months has me reduced to a quivering jelly with a lack of self esteem……. I drew a table last night of my cock ups to get a better idea of how much grovelling I have to do , over the next few days.

As compensation I decided to stop beating my self up and look up symptoms of adult dyslexia

I tried very hard to spell the title properly but – drawing letters sends my potty – concentration on tooooo many things at once 😂😂😂

I picked out those that apply to me the most – if you have 10 the website has a course that you can attend to help you ……

https://www.dyslexia.com/about-dyslexia/signs-of-dyslexia/common-characteristics-of-adult-dyslexia/

I try an compensate but when I was a teacher it was a bit tricky with report writing and timetables….

I was reading the list – which I found interesting – it has a disclaimer at the top

‘Most adult dyslexics will exhibit at least 10 of the following traits and behaviors. These characteristics are often inconsistent, and may vary depending upon the day or situation.’

My art journalling called – I sometimes see pages in my head just before I wake up properly in the morning – today a girl was drowning in a sea of dyslexia – a bit dramatic but I liked it.

In the sea it says ” the very things that held you under are going to lift you up’ there is a randomn ‘ ‘achieve’ and ‘pressure’ and watches to represent time – calendars etc

The Soul Restoration course asks you to look at your light and shade in your life

Yesterday I had a mad art day and produced quite a few pages based on the idea around shining a light on the shade/ lies that I tell my self – I am finding the ‘lies’ quite difficult to get my head around

The one below looks at how there is too little natural light in my basement flat and how it is necessary to get out and walk everyday

Below I look at how I achieve when I push my self – this is quite a hard balance to achieve with the beating myself up that goes on with my dyslexia. These pages feel raw, untidy and unfinished but the express how I was feeling and the struggle to be authentic on the page

My first spread for this course looked at 3 different senses of self – a facade that I can present to the world , a shadow self and an authentic self. I made the page after a movement medicine session. Sometimes it feels like I dance to feel the light. – the page is a fold out piece so there are several pics

Osteopathy commission idea 2

I drew a mandala using small bone shapes and tea dipped the paper, partially because the advert was printed on a paper with a finish I didn’t recognise – quite smooth and semi gloss. ( photocopy of some sort)

I cut out a circle of dancing nudes from yellow pages paper. This was very nice to use – very fine and it cut easily. However I am not sure how it will glue.

However the contrast wasn’t good enough – so I added a layer of turquoise paint through 2 stencils

The dancing ladies are not from a page that was used in an advertising campaign so I need to do her again. I may add a loose outline around her too after I try adding glue – Matt medium or glue stick …..

New commission, Osteopath -23Eyre Place, Edinburgh

We had a fab but tiring time in Sacramento visiting our son and his wife over Christmas and the New Year. I feel like I am emerging from jet lag and had a meeting today with my Osteopath who would like me to produce some art for her practice.

She has been advertising in the yellow pages since 2000. The paper version of the pages is stopping. I am to use her collection of adverts as a basis for some art work

http://www.eyreplaceosteopath.co.uk/

I had fun using layout to make some patterns – though I think these are a bit too representational

We talked about ideas for 3 pieces

– I fancied making some origami from some of the adverts ( there are lots) to make up the shape of a spine which could be framed in a deep window box. I like the idea of the finished origami shapes breaking up the text through the folding. And the link with a spine/ osteopathy

Image from Pinterest no citation ref

I thought a frog might work because it could work like a vertebra

The Osteopath likes my dancing ladies that I produced for my last exhibition – she is happy with this concept in terms of the idea of movement links in with Osteopaths helping people to move.

The third idea is to do what ever I like with the papers …… watch this space.

Hospital impressions part 2

The drawing process yesterday felt like we were becoming to know pieces more intimately – we were supposed to change pieces for every drawing

I stayed with the same piece for three exercises

In the afternoon there was a panel discussion about the assemblage – here are the notes I made – my thinking is in first person

Negative spaces

Feeling the shapes awareness of if my hand fitted – some smaller a lot fitted – left handed just put them in my right hand

My hand fitted holding their hand

Rachel Whiteman house turner prize

How will my drawings be used as part of the research process ?

Another part of the projects were sheets of paper attached to the walls which were typed up with info about the people who made the impressions- what they wrote when they held and squeezed the wet clay

The impressions

Interaction with clay finger prints – how it fit in the persons hand / mood / pressure

Different types fist around porcelain – look like bones

Artifacts /teddy/ rose

Assemblage defy classification

Individual engagement

Collection components

Process

Arrangement – straight lines of white shapes on black

Become part of a larger group

Words help the interpretation of interaction

my oil pastel and Conte crayon drawing

Potter / ceramicist

Shrinkage of clay in firing

found data set weird

Finger prints fade in firing

Porcelains moves in the kiln

Before fire/ after firing

Captured moments

Transition of time

Process

Journey

600 pieces want to make 1,000

Images made in the morning – beginning of

What happens next

Medical background

Out patients – huge variety of people very different – people coming into the hospital wanted to know what was going on – people willing – nice thing to do – hospital staff deal with patients – totally different – broke monotony – what next ? Part of a hospital move – shapes going into the new building part of the old building moving forward

Tactile

Filling out forms a few moments only writing

Connection to people who one works with – may not be relevant in 2yrs/ 10 yrs time

Guess work – how did people feel just by looking

Unsaid stuff

What don’t we know?

People behind the impressions

Array of white objects

Sameness and difference

Unique and the same

Irregular / regular

Humour random

Assemblage

My number

Numbers imprinted on each shape

Holocaust

Sense of loss / scale

Fragile and solid

Here’s me in the moment

Encounters

Impression there for others

Leaving Traces of bodies stories people

Evoke

More questions and answers

Qualitative research

Hugging ceramics

Grasp

Do objects require any more narratives

Stands alone objects ?

What can one read from it ?

Data protection number / ties in to paper

Life / death

Bones

Numbers – numberless dead

Evoke – numbers become irrelevant

Always slippage

Ceramicist slippage

Transitional states

Disconnection between the objects

Personal

The personal

Who do they belong to?

Drawing – looking at shape form texture weight – abstracted from what they are

Removed from the human element looking at porcelaine its self how it was altered into shapes – ones that One liked or didn’t like

Saw hills mountains – fir cones landscape

Others saw Sea weed shells corals drawings made the impressions seem more real different interpretations

Experience of loss

Material change materiality – first time children touched clay – youngest one is 3 days old

Loss of the hand

What is there ? what is not there ?

May be active assemblages

What is this doing ?

Enabled passing of time

Haunting

Engagement

Different perspectives of people and the experience of the panel discussion

Still a folding

Still becoming

Inbetween

Inbetween intimacy and institution

Influx

Impact on a patient

Impression that patients leave on staff

Holding hands when some one passes away

Inbetween life and death human kind – universal

Edinburgh centric – conversation between

One building and another

Art versus illness

A Hurts + Heals project, as part of NHS Lothian’s Art & Therapeutic Design Programme.

Hospital impressions exploring porcelain ‘squeezes’ part 1

Today I went to a drawing workshop and discussion about a project called Hospital Impressions organised by Hans K. Clausen & Kjersti Slettan.

http://www.beyondwalls.blog/hospital-impressions-visual-research-drawing-workshop/

A Hurts + Heals project, as part of NHS Lothian’s Art & Therapeutic Design Programme.

Hospital Impressions involved people from 4 Edinburgh hospital sites squeezing a ball of raw porcelain , these were subsequently fired. Hans and Kherson produced a collection of over 600 unique impressions

My drawing workshop was lead by Jill Boualaxai we explored and drew a selection of the small porcelain sculptures The workshop looked at volume, shape and material quality as well as interpretation and association of objects.

About

We started drawing by feeling the ‘squeezes’ and trying to interpret the shape, texture and weight using blind lines. We drew with conte crayons, pastel and graphite on oiled paper

I participated in Jill’s workshop twice because I felt that my work was tight and small and I wanted to be more expressive

The next few exercises were blind contour drawings using carbon paper

The corresponding sculpture

we worked very quickly only ever spending a few minutes on each drawing. My second set were larger and more detailed. I swapped my B pencil for a 6B and some of the drawings were on cartridge paper

The next set of drawings used white oil pastel on black paper and we had to imagine drawing a line that hugged the contours of the shapes – I found this quite tricky after all my flat patterns and mandalas

Jill was quite strict about the exercises and the materials but I enjoyed the discipline and restrictions which just allowed me to think and just draw what I saw

The most difficult exercise was to draw the shapes with the side of a white pastel drawing as if we were starting inside the 3D shape. Then adding black conte crayon over the top in contours. I loved the feeling of drawing with the crayon on top of the oil pastel. I didn’t like my first one at all

Finally we had to draw the objects just by making shapes